The bank job

Going to a bank has always been an agonizing experience for me and by bank here I mean your regular deal-with-cash-institution. Going to a deal-with-blood-institution(aka blood bank) has always been a very pleasant affair with nice people who talk to you politely, know their job and give you good stuff to eat after you’re done. Anyway, I’ll try to stick to my recent(and some past) experiences with the banks I’ve had to visit and try to pour out my emotions.

The purpose of my last visit was simple, at least it seemed simple enough to me – to get a new account in the same bank where I already have an account.

Step 1, Show some documents: This sounds like the easiest thing to do since I have documents X, Y and Z which are proofs of my address, my tax account, and my identity and all that the “executive” has to do is match them with their copies and be done with it. Turns out they don’t approve of document X( my address proof), which, by the way, I’ve used rather successfully in my Visa application, opening account in other banks, purchasing a vehicle, getting phone numbers and anywhere where an address proof is required. So I ask them, rather shockingly, what is it that will make THEM believe that I live where I say I live. Turns out its another document ‘F’. It also turns out that the document ‘F’ has been acquired by showing aforementioned documents X and Z. Doesn’t seem to make sense to me but after some futile attempts to make my case I give up and make a round trip to my place.

Step 2, Sign ’em up, will ya: As far as I understand, a new account means a new account which means it doesn’t matter if I have any existing account with the same bank. It so happens that this is not the case with the particular bank I decided to visit. I fill up the forms and sign it off, happy that I’m one step closer to getting out of this place. The ‘executive’ had other plans for me. “Sir, your signatures don’t match”, she says. I take a moment to realize that she’s talking to me and another one to realize what’s going on here. Apparently, my signatures from my existing account(which were done 4 years ago) didn’t match. “How does that matter I’m having a fresh account?” is what I ask and “Sir they have to match” is all she and her colleague and some “senior” guy keeps repeating. I say I have updated signatures in all the documents that you’re using to open the new account so why should this matter. Same answer. It was like talking to a herd of cows and no matter what you say, you get a ‘moo’ from all of them. End result, I ended up somehow using my old signatures all over the place

Step 3, Black or blue: Now I have all the photocopies of my documents plus the original forms I need to sign an self attest. I have a blue pen and hence I use a blue pen to do so. The ‘executive’ steps in yet again to tell me that there’s a problem because I used a blue pen. I’m again a

t loss for words and mentally preparing myself to fill up everything again with a black pen. But finally, after pondering for a couple of minutes decides to let me off with this one.

Step 4, The call: So I’m out having a drink with my friends in a city at the opposite end of the country 4 days later and guess what, I get a call from the bank. The lady says my documents can’t be processed because the ‘backend’ team(I still don’t know what does that mean) says one person cannot have two accounts. This was enough to blow my lid off and 5 minutes later everything was fine. Turns out you can’t get things done unless you put things a little strongly. If you don’t you’re pushed to a place where you’re left with no other choice.

Anyway, I’ll end my rant here. I’m just glad I don’t have to go to that place again. Really wish these things were as easy as writing code.

TLDR; Here’s an xkcd comic which sums up the post, titled : The Important Field

I hear in some places, you need one form of ID to buy a gun, but two to pay for it by check. It’s interesting who has what incentives to care about what mistakes.



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